What happens in the sauna, stays in the sauna

Well, at least it usually does. As some of you know I am trying everything in my power, with the exception of going to the doctor, to get rid of my sinus infection. Tonight after work i headed down to the clubhouse to take a sauna as I have every evening this week. But this time was a little different. I was wearing my usual t-shirt, workout pants, and my fuzzy hooded winter jacket. I walked into the building and immediately heard a booming voice downstairs. I headed down the stairs and by the time I got to the bottom i seen the man responsible. He was about six feet tall, average build, bald, and wearing sweats. He looked like almost every gym teacher/football coach i'd ever seen. He was playing ping pong with his fifteen-ish year old son. I continue walking to the sauna and turn it on. Then i turn right back around to go sit down on the couch in the other room. But to get there I have to walk right by the boy and his father. The father is staring at me in the same way most strangers do when i walk by, so i give him the "how's it going" nod and he just continues to stare. This all took a matter of seconds and was the kinda thing i deal with on a day to day basis so i didn't give it another thought. Now i'm sitting on the couch texting, sniffing my stuffy/dripping nose, checking my email, and generally just kickin back waiting for the sauna to be ready. After a few minutes go by I get up and head to the locker room, ignoring the father and son, and hang up my jacket. Now i'm heading to the sauna. I'm sitting there trying to ignore all the extremely loud commotion outside, mostly from the father, which takes a good 5-10 minutes. Then about 15 minutes into it i'm finally in the zone and just about to break a sweat when all the sudden i hear a knock at the sauna door. I say "yeah" and the door opens. It's the father! So I say "hey, what's up" and he replies with "heywhatchawhereyouchmooinlineowthere" So it might have just sounded that way because i was in my zone and preoccupied with the fact that he was holding the door open, completely ruining my sauna experience! Having no clue what he actually said I replied with "what was that?" and he replied with "hewheregchya doin a line back there" then i said "was i doing a line?" then he started to ramble something about his son mentioning how he heard me making sniffing noises earlier. It was at this point that i put it all together and realized that he was asking me if I had been snorting lines of cocaine earlier in the next room while he was playing ping pong with his son! SERIOUSLY!?!? So i said "no" with my best "are you fucking serious" face on. Then he began to stumble and said "oh" and i immediately let him know that not only was i not doing that but I have never done cocaine! Even more shocked by that he said "really?" and i replied "nope, never have" He finally started to back away saying stuff like "oh" and "ok" and "i just seen the light was on and my son blah blah" and I, being way to fucking nice, said "alright, take care, have a good night" Not to let this guy ruin it I just brushed it off and continued my sauna. Now i don't know if he was just stereotyping me because i'm so sexy, with all my rad tattoos and piercings or if he is just a retired disco hop head who was just concerned that maybe i didn't know that being under the influence of cocaine while in a sauna is very dangerous and honestly, i don't care. I know some of you can relate to this kind of situation while the rest of you probably couldn't even began to imagine something like this ever happening to you. Either way i thought you might enjoy....

I am the shit!

I just gotta say that I reeeeally can't get enough awesome pics of my stickers in ridiculous/inappropriate places! thanks Ryan!

2009?

I know by now that the rest of you have moved on to 2010 while I, on the other hand, am running quite a bit behind. It's for that reason that I feel the need to give you the highlights, that I can remember anyway, from 2009.

First is the Minneapolis tattoo convention.
After much badgering from my coworkers, friends, and clients I was convinced to work my very first tattoo convention.



First tattoo of the convention was this frozen, bleeding, flaming heart.


Eric took tattoo of the day for this ridiculously painful lill tattoo!


Trying not to let Eric's big win go to my head, it was time to focus!

That takes us to this Abe Lincoln tattoo on Michelle AKA Tattoopie:)

It was at this point, i think, that the excitement of the convention reached it's peak!





After things calmed down a bit, and we located our 6th wind, we finished our last tattoos of the convention just in time to see the awards be handed out.


Michelle, who earlier got her Abe Lincoln tattoo, got herself a first place trophy for her Edgar Allan Poe tattoo we did on her earlier in the year!


Not to be overshadowed by a girl, Eric, who took tattoo of the day right out of the gate, decided his earlier win was just going to be the beginning! He took two more trophies for his cross back piece!

Then capped it all off by winning best in show!!

I couldn't have been happier with the way this weekend ended up, how shocking all the wins were for me, how well everyone worked together on this adventure, or how awesome all of the clients were. All in all, it was one of the most amazing times in my career!


BOOBLESS

There once was a girl with 69 boobs. (Type 69 into the calculator.)
She had too, too, too many. (Type 2 three times.)
She went to 51 St. to see Dr X. (Type 51 and a times sign.)
He gave her 8 operations. (Type eight and the equals sign.)
And in the end she was.......


Friday November 13th

I was just minding my own business, breaking mirrors, walking under ladders, and opening umbrellas indoors, when the universe decided to remind me just how lucky i really am:)


Then Mr. Hebrank attempted to ride off into the darkness with my new bike.

But, as you may have guessed, he failed:)

Kyle, my apprentice, learned quite a bit about tattooing. However, he learned very little about keeping his mouth shut.


THE coolest, slickest, smoothest, shnazziest, and certainly the sexiest tattoo aftercare card ever made! An enormous thank you goes out to Mr. Shawn Hebrank for making every single one of my visions a reality! Thanks again sir!

And this is just the front! If you want to see the back, and i know you do, your just going to have to make an appointment.

Ben finally reappeared to work on his family tree. We started this project a few years ago. It's a tree starting on his hip, going up his ribs, his chest, and his shoulder. The tree is mostly composed of his parents, three sisters, and four brothers. The way things are going we will have a finished photo for you by the end of 2010.


As 2009 grew colder and colder still, i began to feel bad for a select few people in my life who had not yet experienced the unbelievable comfort of footy pajamas. So, for X-mas, I got the whole crew some extra comfy, and possibly nostalgic, footies.


Last, but certainly not least, the piest de resistance!

Apparently little old me, and my even smaller stickers, caused quite a ruckus!
I could spend all day going over every detail that makes this so ridiculously awesome but I think these photos say it all!
Now for your viewing pleasure, the front and back of the most amazing piece of mail I have yet to receive!



On a similar note, I have been spotted at a taco bell near you:)

I'd like to close by saying thank you to everyone who made all this possible.

THANK YOU!

HELLO Y'ALL!!!!!! This is Ben Rettke of Identity tattoo in maple grove minnesota. You can find me there noon till eight tuesday threw saturday. I work along side of Todd Lambright (owner) and Shawn Hebrank (vegan). This is my very first blog!!!! So bear with me.
I got to finally finnish this tattoo tonight, seven hours total, and i am quite happy with how it turned out. Thanks Michelle! Now it is just a matter of waiting to see if Mr. Shawn Hebrank approves of my photography.